Me Waving
Everything a blog should be...the issues, interests and inspirations of a disillusioned 30 something
Monday, June 6, 2022
a reflection of a year
Saturday, August 1, 2020
Marking What We Have Missed
- No Easter with my parents where every year the bunny hides eggs and toys for all in attendance
- No spring theater production with the kids holding puppets as ensemble cast members in Dr. Dolittle
- No Ballet recital where my girl would spin her hair in a tight bun, her outfit colors of the ocean
- No Field Day at school where I got to volunteer and watch the kids and their friends run amok in matching shirts
- No baseball practice, long afternoons sitting on the sun with one of my closest friends while our boys run laps and practice catching fly balls
- No baseball games on sun filled Saturday mornings where the girls play on the swings while the boys wait in the dugout and the parents talk lazily on the sidelines
- No last day of school where I pick up the kids and we blare Schools Out for Summer while we drive past the line of teachers waving goodbye
- No first day of summer where everyone sleeps in and the weather is usually crappy
- No trip to the Jersey Shore where we would sleep in a fleabag motel right on the beach and eat fudge and cotton candy on the boardwalk until we felt sick
- No Ballet camp where I would work from the hallway of the studio for a week while my daughter smiled non-stop for 3 hours a day
- No football camp where the boys got used to their pads and ran laps trying to outrun their coaches
- No summer theater show where Moana and The Jungle Book would have been staged
- No football practice where the parents would park with their cars facing the field so they could turn their lights on when the sun fell below the tree line
- No back to school shopping with my mother, going from store to store shopping for pants and dresses and underwear and sweatshirts and new shoes
- No first day of school where we would race for the bus and then I would follow them in to gather with the other parents to watch the kids arrive off the busses
- No Ballet and tap classes where I would watch my daughter dance and gossip with the other moms in the hall about schools and lice and in-law visits
- No football games where I could cheer for my boy and his friends, watching him always find me in the stands after a big play
- No fall theater show where I would work back stage, helping them with costume changes and being able to watch them shine
Friday, February 14, 2020
Spring in Maine
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
Today
I woke up today and you were still gone. I got the kids breakfast and put them on the bus. An inconvenience and a luxury. A luxury to kiss them goodbye. To have dinner in the crockpot ready when everyone gets home. A luxury you will never have again.
I woke up today and you were still gone. I read somewhere that a sign of hope is setting your alarm to wake up in the morning. And couldn't help imagining you setting your alarm Sunday night. Preparing the house for another week ahead of school and work and kid activities. Was it still going off when they found you?
I woke up today and you were still gone. I want to text you and ask you how I'm suppose to handle this because you are the person I would have normally texted. And I know you would tell me to keep swimming. To "not trouble trouble". So I sit in my office, emails coming in, meetings to attend. I have conversations at the bus stop and training dogs and the bike trails the town put in.
I woke up today and you were still gone. And if I am lucky enough to wake up tomorrow you will still be gone. And I will miss you in all the small moments. And years from now I know if I am still lucky enough to keep waking up I will reach for phone to text you. Because we were supposed to be old women together. Because you were robbed of the luxury to tuck your kids in and watch them grow. Because I was robbed of one of my best friends.
I woke up today and you were still gone.
Friday, September 13, 2019
The day that was more then good enough
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
What if
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Happy New Year?
I feel like I just wrote this post...or maybe it is that a year in my life has not yielded much change. 2016 was not easy and I don't know why. Everything felt hard, like I was moving through jello. Somehow no decision I made was easy...each one coming with what felt like consequences and then we spent the last 6 weeks of the year sick. All four of us...off and on..sick. Never all healthy at the same time. But there was good too...ballet recitals and first days of school, holidays and birthdays and Saturday night movies nights and pizza at Romeos. That is what I want to hold on to. Not the feeling that nothing I do is enough...
So on to 2017. Tomorrow we kick off a new year. One that starts somewhat arbitrarily...and one that carries with it all the weight of the lost hopes and goals of the year before. My Facebook feed is already full of friends involved with MLMs telling all of us now is the time! 2017 can be your year! And in my house, the kids and husband, dog and cats are asleep, a Law and Order SVU marathon is on the TV and I have a paper to write. It does not feel like a "special" night. It did not occur to me to get a babysitter or let the kids stay up late to celebrate...
2017 is going to the be the year of contraction. Pulling inward to have more time to spend on what matters and less time behind the computer screen. I am going to commit to less and finish what I commit to. And heck...while we are being unrealistic I am also going to lose that last 20 pounds, eat better and run 5 days a week,
Happy New Year. May 2017 bring you most of what you want, and all of what you need.
Meleena